Cronin Family: Facing Fears

I hate guns. I hate anything that makes an anticipated loud noise. I can't even open a pillsbury can for crying out loud. Last year we received a gift card to guns and gear from my bosses. And it has taken us a full year to make it over there. But Lilia, well she loves to shoot. So we took her and did some target practice. As soon as we put on the ear protection and eyewear my heart started hammering in my chest and my palms got sweaty. We entered the range and got stuff set up. Lilia was shooting the 22 and did an amazing job as you can see. I took a turn with the 22 and it was not so bad. Chad set up his 9mm and while I was turned away from him talking to Lilia, he took his first shot. I'm pretty sure I almost died. I've never had a panic attack but my anxiety was so high already and that startle almost sent me over the edge. I was so mad at him for several minutes! I had to disappear in my mind and talk myself down. Then he offered to let me take a turn. Who was he kidding?! But I did. I knew pulling the trigger would be scary... I just can't handle the anticipation of the noise! Like watching children play with balloons! It kills me! But I shot it once. And then, I made myself pull the trigger a 2nd time and then I was done. I don't even know where my bullets went. Probably didn't even come close to the target. But that wasn't the point. It is silly, but I faced a fear that day.

Speaking of facing fears... I had another birthday. Ha! I actually don't mind getting older. But it weird to think about how much the birthdays are starting to add up! I turned 41. But I don't feel 41! The kids made my birthday, which happened to fall on a Sunday, so special! The night before McKinley made the table all up in anticipation of a birthday dinner. So I discovered that the morning of my birthday. Then we were ready to head out the door for church and Lilia declared breakfast was ready, she had been making it while we were hustling to get ready for church! I looked at her sweet face and immediately sat down to eat. We were late. But we were late with full tummies and smiles. There were so many people who reached out to me- some anticipated and some completely unanticipated! I even had a couple of visitors bring me gifts! Chad made a delicious cake, we had yummy french dip sandwiches, and the kids had all shopped for me! Actually, Ane had taken the younger 2 shopping while Chad and I were out with Lilia. That means they walked to Walmart in the December cold in order to shop for me! I felt so loved! That evening we also went to The Messiah sing in and was surprised to see my boss in the choir! That was a fun surprise!

The following day we headed up to Kelly for the first time this season (it opened on Saturday). The kids have every other Monday which is going to be so great for skiing! But we missed Jaedyn who had to go in for choir rehearsal because her Christmas concert was the next day. No fear for Lilia, or Ebony. They are looking so good after only skiing twice! And Ane is a pro. But I feared for the kids and McKinley conquered some pretty big fear when Ane took her up Skier's Lane for the first time! She was so tired by the time she got to the bottom and I think the last little steep lip had her pretty scared. But she did it!

It was just 2/3 of a day on the mountain because we came back in time for the Laughing all the Way show with Meg Johnson, John Bytheway, and Hank Smith. That last one- he is so funny! My parents came to the show too and we met the Deckers there. Everyone laughed and enjoyed it so much and we left feeling uplifted and inspired by their messages. Hank spoke about finding happiness and shared 12 ways science has discovered that people can increase their happiness. He was hilarious as he did so! Meg shared her story again and was the favorite speaker for the younger girls. Her love and joy that cannot be contained, despite her circumstance, is so inspiring! She said something that I completely agree with- "the hardest trials in our life don't belong to us, they belong to someone we love". John spoke about perspective, especially during the Christmas season his talk was also intermixed with so much humor. I admire the way people can just be so silly as they share their life experiences! He quoted something that was touching as well, "It is not joy that makes us grateful, it is gratitude that makes us joyful". So while this show wasn't necessarily facing a fear- they did talk about some of their experiences in life where the fear could have been crippling if they had allowed it. Instead they had us all laughing.

The next evening was Jaedyn's choir concert. Bear with me on this fear, it's a little stretched. In order to sing with the competitive choir, Jaedyn had to spend a year in the women's choir under the direction of a great man, but he did not do well for the music program. She often declared their choir sounded like chipmunks and she hated the concerts. She would stand up there stone faced not moving and would perform but I don't think she enjoyed it very much. Which is saying a lot because that girl LOVES music! This year, they have a new director and he is fantastic! This night at their concert it was like she came alive! She has always been fun to LISTEN to, but she was fun to WATCH! There was so much expression, playfulness, and emotion! There were times when she looked like she might cry because of the powerful feeling of the music, other times there was joy, and some of the numbers were just so fun and playful. I would say working through a choir you don't enjoy in order to perform in one you do, going from hating being on stage to practically laughing on stage- well that sounds like working to conquer fear to me! Sadly no pictures, but she was beautiful and alive with the music!